


Blueberry Pancakes

by EchoSiriusRumme



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes A Hug, Don Bluth Principal, Fluff and Angst, Fucking HYDRA - Freeform, Hurt Bucky, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mind Control, Tickle Fights, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, i lure you in with fluff then surprise you with angst, it'll make y'all cry at the end though, misleading title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-29 23:10:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12095484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoSiriusRumme/pseuds/EchoSiriusRumme
Summary: It was supposed to be another mission in their attempts to take down all HYDRA bases. Then Bucky was coming back to himself to see his worst nightmare - Tony lying still and bloody underneath him.





	Blueberry Pancakes

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amethystina](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethystina/gifts).



> The idea for this story was brought to life a second after I saw [Amethystina's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amethystina/pseuds/Amethystina) _gorgeous_ , angsty [fanart](http://lienwyn.tumblr.com/post/162947507876/i-usually-draw-very-fluffy-things-but-every-once). Please, shower her with love, her work is amazing! This fic turned into a beast, but I am super excited to share it with you, as it's my first real angst fic, and based off my wonderful beta [Jade's](https://thejaded-feather.tumblr.com/) reaction, y'all are in for a bumpy ride! >:)

Bucky woke up slowly, looking up at the ceiling and blinking his eyes until the blurriness of sleep left them. Tucking a finger under the waistband of his boxers, he lazily itched a spot on his hip, yawning until his jaw cracked. Pretty soon the rest of his body started waking up as well and Bucky heaved himself from the bed with a groan.

Ambling over to the bathroom, Bucky took care of his bladder and quickly washed his face, effectively getting rid of the rest of his drowsiness. Not that he was ready to start the day, necessarily, especially with a warm, sleepy person still in his bed.

Making his way back into the bedroom, Bucky smiled at the lump of blankets and pillows on the other side of the bed. It had somehow grown in the short minutes it’d taken for him to use the toilet. Crawling back onto the bed, Bucky also realized that his own pillow had been confiscated, and huffed out a fond laugh.

Leaning over the lump as best he could, Bucky pressed a kiss to the only part of his blanket stealing husband he could see – a tuft of dark hair sticking out on top of his pillow. A low grumble was his only response, Bucky almost getting hit in the face when the blankets moved to cover the other man completely.

Grinning, Bucky moved to straddle the lump carefully, pressing his face down close to the blankets. “Good morning Tony,” he said into the fabric, his grin growing at Tony’s halfhearted attempt to jostle Bucky off. “Aw, why so grumpy darlin’?”

More grumbling answered him. Bucky was able to make out something about it being early, and looked over at his alarm clock. He laughed, “Tony, it’s 10AM, I don’t think that qualifies as early on a weekday.”

The sudden movement of the blankets under him caught him by surprise, and Bucky found himself staring up at the ceiling again, on the floor this time. Muffled laughter had him turning his head to look up at the bed, and then the laughter grew, Tony’s head following the noise as it peeked down at him. “I ca-an’t believe I g-got you! I just heard the thud, and–!” Tony threw his head back to laugh again, eyes closing with the movement.

Bucky couldn’t help but smile back. Tony laughing and smiling without restraint was such a beautiful sight, and he felt so blessed in that moment – even if it was at the expense of his own pride. But Bucky could work with that.

With a speed he usually reserved for the battlefield, Bucky got to his feet and _pounced_. Tony’s laughter was cut short with a scream as he tried to cover himself back up with the blankets, but Bucky was already on the bed. Taking care with his strength, Bucky dug his fingers into Tony’s sides, his stomach, keeping his thighs locked around Tony’s hips as he tickled his husband until he turned red.

“St-stop Bucky, oh my go-ood, you’re s-so mean!” Tony choked out around his laughs, pushing feebly against Bucky’s unrelenting hands. “I ju-ust wok-ke u-up!” He grabbed Bucky’s wrists, trying to pull them away from his sensitive sides and stomach.

Bucky paused after another minute, giving Tony time to gasp in breaths around some leftover giggles. Suddenly Tony’s hands tightened around Bucky’s wrists, and Bucky looked at Tony’s face to see a gleam in those warm brown eyes. Before he could react, Tony was flipping them over on the mattress, settling smugly on top of Bucky’s hips when they stopped moving.

Bucky sighed, happily accepting defeat and moving his hands to lay comfortably on Tony’s waist. Tony grinned down at him, leaning down until his breath ghosted across Bucky’s lips. “I win,” he whispered, catching Bucky’s mouth in a soft kiss. “And good morning honeybunch.”

Relaxing into the sheets as Tony continued kissing his cheeks and neck, Bucky smiled. “I feel like _I’m_ the winner here.” Tony just laughed softly, leaning back up to kiss Bucky’s lips again. With Tony’s warm body above him, happy sighs escaping him with every other kiss they shared, Bucky could have stayed there forever.

Before too long though, a loud gurgle echoed between them. Tony drew back sharply, eyes widening before tucking his face into Bucky’s neck with an embarrassed whine. “Why was that so _loud_?”

Chuckling, Bucky wrapped his metal arm around Tony’s waist, his other hand sliding through Tony’s bedhead in an attempt to tame it. “That’s what happens when you ditch your husband mid-dinner for a ‘revelation’!”

Tony whined again, swatting at Bucky’s chest as his stomach growled again. Bucky kissed Tony’s temple, nuzzling those tangled curls for a moment and inhaling the by now familiar scents of Tony’s fruity shampoo. Tony’s stomach growled once more, effectively bringing Bucky out of that peaceful moment.

“Okay,” Bucky said, pushing himself to sit upright despite Tony hanging on him like a limpet. “Let’s go see if our kitchen’s been overrun yet or not.”

“Hmm,” Tony smiled against Bucky’s neck, tightening his legs around Bucky’s hips when he started moving. “I hope Steve started cooking first, his blueberry pancakes are the _best_.”

Bucky arched an eyebrow, carrying Tony into the kitchen where, as he’d guessed, their teammates were already eating breakfast. Various hello’s and good mornings greeted them, and Bucky let Tony down with another kiss on his forehead. Walking to the counter, he expertly prepared a coffee for Tony – four sugars, his teeth ached while only stirring it – then poured a simple black coffee for himself.

Turning around with the mugs in hand, Bucky walked to the table just as Steve was placing a plate of blueberry pancakes in front of a grinning Tony. “Hey, you trying to seduce my husband away from me, punk?”

Steve smirked, waggling his eyebrows at Tony. “Why, is it working?”

Tony hummed happily, chewing and swallowing his sweet, fruity morsel before saying, “As much as I love your breakfasts Steve, I’ve already given my heart to another.” Tony turned his head towards Bucky, who was already leaning in to accept Tony’s sticky kiss. Tony smiled softly, rubbing his nose against Bucky’s, eyes crinkling shut with happiness.

A gagging sound interrupted the sweet moment, and Bucky turned his head to see Clint fake another retch behind his hand. Seeing he had their attention, Clint tore a piece from his toast and tossed it across the table at Tony’s head. “No sap or mush at the table! I’m trying to eat!” Bucky casually caught the food out of the air, whipping it back at Clint and hitting him squarely on the forehead.

Clint squawked in outrage, ready to retaliate, before Natasha reached over and pinched his side. He shot a betrayed look at her, pouting down at his plate when she only raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. Tony snorted, pecking Bucky’s cheek once more because he was a little shit, before turning back to his pancakes.

The next few minutes passed in relative peace, Bucky smiling as he took in his – his _found family_ eating their respective meals. Conversation flowed easily, laughter rising every now and then. Bread baskets were passed occasionally, people reaching across each other for the fruit platter, or more eggs or pancakes from the pans placed in the middle of the table.

Something nudged his side, and Bucky turned his head to see Steve smiling at him, a knowing gleam in his own eyes. They made it. It had been a helluva journey, but here they were, together and surrounded by friends and family. Bucky looked back at his other side, his smile growing at the sight of Tony with a gleeful grin on his face as he loaded his latest pancake with whipped cream.

Just as Tony had placed a piece into his mouth, another cute happy sigh warming Bucky to his core, there were multiple beeps as each of their devices received an alert. Steve was the first to read it, back straightening before barking out, “Coulson’s found another HYDRA base, he wants us to move out immediately.”

Chairs scraped across the floor as everyone got to their feet, and Bucky was nearly out of the kitchen before he realized Tony hadn’t moved yet. He looked back, moving out of the way as everyone else passed him on the way out, to see Tony standing beside his chair. He was pouting down at his plate, at the pancakes that still remained, whipped cream dribbling down the sides.

“You can finish your pancakes later.” Bucky grinned, adding, “Maybe you can get Steve to make a fresh batch too, since these will be soggy when we get back.”

Tony perked up at that, dipping a finger through the whipped cream on his plate and then into his mouth before finally jogging to the opening elevator. “Make sure to let Steve know what you’ve signed him up for! I expect my pancakes as a post-battle treat!” He said, the elevator doors closing on his smiling face.

Bucky rolled his eyes at his husband’s antics, but knew that he’d have to actually tell Steve or else deal with Tony’s disappointed Puppy Eyes™ afterwards. He turned back and exited the kitchen, jogging quickly to his and Tony’s room to suit up. Placing the last knife in its slot, Bucky made his way to the elevator, which brought him to the helipad within seconds of the doors closing.

The rest of his team was already seated in the Quinjet when he walked up the ramp, good natured jeers at being last ready shot at him. He quickly sat down and strapped in beside Tony, smiling at him when a metal clad hand gripped his own.

Everyone piped down as Steve started briefing them on the rest of the mission, Clint and Natasha getting them into the air and on the move in the meantime. “Coulson has also noted that there has been movement by the HYDRA base. About forty armed men have been seen leaving the building, along with two tanks, headed towards the nearby town. We’re almost to that group, so we’ll take care of them first, then move to the base.”

“By the time we get to the base, the men we had just fought will have warned them. We’ll lose the element of surprise, and will risk arriving at an empty base again,” Tony argued. He leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and said, “Let me go right to the base, try to sabotage their systems and at least slow their retreat down when they ultimately start getting the warnings.”

Bucky watched as Steve opened his mouth again, to presumably argue back, but Tony cut him off quickly. “Come on Cap, we can’t keep letting these bastards get away. You and the others make sure that town stays safe, and then get your asses to the base to help me finish up the job.”

Steve let out a deep breath, eyebrows furrowing as he thought it over. “OK fine, but take Bucky with you,” Steve ordered finally.

Tony grinned, the faceplate going down as he stood up. “As if there was even another option,” he scoffed, wrapping an arm around Bucky’s waist when he was standing too. Bucky stepped up onto the suit’s boots, wrapping his own arms around Tony’s neck securely. The back of the Quinjet opened, and then they were airborne.

With months of practice with this maneuver under their belts, Tony could easily steer the suit while only using three repulsors. Not that Bucky couldn’t hold on that long, but he knew that Tony didn’t want to take any chances. “So, what’s the plan here? Divide and conquer, or sweep the place together?” Tony asked, knowing Bucky could easily hear him in the comms even with the wind all around him.

“Together! I’d much rather have you near me if we’re dealing with HYDRA.” He knew that Tony would understand that, probably not wanting to let Bucky out of his sight either for the same reason. It had been a tense mission the first time they’d gotten an order to take down a HYDRA base. Tony hadn’t wanted to let Bucky go at all, and had been upset for a few days afterwards. By now, he no longer argued, but Bucky knew that he was still worried each time they went after HYDRA.

It took about 20 minutes of flying until Bucky could see the building from between the trees, and he could feel his heart start beating harder in anticipation. They started getting lower, trying to keep out of sight by using the trees.

Suddenly Bucky was tightening his grip around Tony when the armor swerved to the right, Tony grunting with effort in his ear. “They saw us.” Something flew past them by a few feet, and Bucky heard Tony sigh before saying drily, “And now they’re shooting. Terrific.”

They made it another couple dozen feet, Tony steadily lowering them as well as trying to make them a harder target, when Tony cursed loudly. “Hang o–!” Tony suddenly flipped around so that Bucky was faced away from the base, curling around Bucky as best he could.

Before Bucky could process his actions, there was a screeching sound, a jolt that Bucky felt to his bones, then heat swept around the armor. Bucky opened his eyes, having clenched them at the impact, and noticed immediately that the armor was descending faster than it had been earlier.

“Tony? Tony answer me!” Bucky called, trying to look at the armor as if that would show him if Tony was awake or not inside.

“I’m fine Buckaroo, probably going to be sore later but the suit is intact,” came Tony’s calm voice, and Bucky let out a relieved breath. Another second, and then Tony was saying a bit more frantically, “Um, actually, forget that. Trusty ol’ JARVIS is telling me that the suit is about a minute from turning into dead weight. They used an E.M.P based missile, those assholes.”

They were closer to the ground now, so when Tony said, “I’m going to drop you off in a bit, all right?” Bucky had already thought of the same plan. “Ready love?”

Bucky gave a quick affirmative, and then Tony was letting him go. Timing it well, he tucked and rolled, making sure not to let the impact settle in any one joint too hard. He looked up quickly to see Tony attempting to steer the armor until the last minute, but still coming to a harsh landing ahead of him a-ways.

“Still OK darling?” Bucky asked, grinning at the exaggerated groan that answered him. He watched for another moment, then saw Tony start moving – or rather the armor start separating and releasing a grumbling Tony from within. Looking around, Bucky saw that they had landed behind the building.

He walked up to the closest door, digging his metal hand in by the knob and wrenching it open easily. He took out one of his guns, thumbing the safety off before peeking into the hall just inside. Listening carefully, he couldn’t hear anything immediately close to them.

Looking back at Tony, he saw that the man was now out of the suit, his back to Bucky as he adjusted one of his gauntlets to his arm. Trusting that Tony would be right behind him, Bucky started down the hall, gun raised in front of him.

His boots barely made a sound on the tiled floor, training from before his time with HYDRA and during still with him now. He kept an ear out for footsteps behind and in front of him, eyes peeled for any shadow that could be a HYDRA agent coming from around a corner or behind a door. He looked back once he’d reached a second corner, listening intently for Tony.

No footsteps sounded, but instead there was a low rumbling noise and sensation under his feet, and Bucky tensed in expectation. The noise died down, and Bucky waited with bated breath in the silence that followed. After another few seconds, there was a loud click, and suddenly the floor was gone from under Bucky’s feet.

Bucky tried to slow his fall, but only succeeded in making a terrible scraping sound when he pressed his hands against the tunnel around him. He looked down when the tunnel brightened slightly, and saw an opening approaching quickly. An instant after he landed, he was coming out of the squat, gun raised and ready to fire.

The next second he was clenching his teeth together, falling back to his knees and trying to keep his scream of pain inside as electricity jolted through him. _‘No,’_ he thought, panting when the shock paused. He attempted to get back in his feet, seeing blurred figures in his peripheral, but then he was hit again with more electricity. A cry left his lips before he could tamp down on the reaction. _‘Not again, please.’ ___

____

And then, like out of his worst nightmares, he heard them.

____

“ ***** Longing. Rusted. Furnace. Daybreak *****.”

____

One after another, those awful words reverberated in Bucky’s mind, and he couldn’t help the agonized “ _No!_ ” that left him. The electricity finally stopped, but Bucky had nearly blocked that out compared to the pain of being used by HYDRA again.

____

Despite his struggling, Bucky could feel the Winter Soldier take over his mind. Right before he succumbed to the code words, he heard another man give the order.

____

“ ***** Eliminate the Iron Man *****.”

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****

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“Bucky?” Tony cautiously looked into the next room, sighing when he saw it was empty just as the others were. Keeping his remaining gauntlet and guard up, Tony continued down the hall, careful not to make noise.

____

He’d lost track of Bucky after peeling himself out of the Iron Man armor, and with JARVIS down, he hadn’t been able to track down his elusive husband. He was trying his best to keep from panicking, but not having Bucky in sight or even just on the comms while at a _HYDRA_ base was something Tony was not OK with.

____

He had just passed another empty room when suddenly he heard footsteps from around the corner. Quickly backtracking, Tony ducked into the empty room, closing the door carefully and then walking to the middle of the room. He stared the door down, gauntlet up as he waited.

____

The footsteps came closer and closer, slowing slightly when they seemed right at the door, and Tony tensed in preparation. But then the footsteps continued on their way, passing the door and slowly going too far for Tony to hear them anymore. He waited a bit more, and then released his breath all at once, collapsing against the table nearest him.

____

“Come on Bucky, where are you?” Tony asked aloud after a moment, looking around the room as he waited for his heartrate to go down. There were old desks and tables scattered throughout, a good layer of dust covering most of the furniture. Tony ran a finger through it, lip curling in disgust at the grime and absently wiped it off on his pants.

____

A door slammed behind him, and Tony whirled around, gauntlet raised and ready to fire. A wave of relief went through him when he saw it was Bucky. “Thank god,” he breathed, before clearing his throat and saying louder, “I had to ditch the rest of the suit, it was glitching too much to be useful. When I couldn’t find you, I got a bit worried there.” Bucky didn’t answer, just strode over to him stone-faced and Tony resigned himself to letting his mother-hen husband look him over to make sure he was all right.

____

The punch to his jaw caught him _completely_ off guard, and Tony barely got his hands up in time to keep from face-planting in the ground. Agony shot through his face, and Tony knew that he’d have a spectacular bruise there in no time. But more importantly, Bucky would _never_ hurt him, so that meant…

____

A hand gripped his shoulder roughly, turning him around to take in the blank expression on Bucky’s face. _‘No,’_ Tony thought, even as he felt cool metal circle his neck and start to squeeze. _‘Not my James. Not again.’_

____

“Bucky, don’t let them get to you!” Tony croaked out around the hand on his throat, trying his damnedest to breath around the tight grip. “You’re not their weapon anymore! Please!”

____

Bucky stared down at him, those normally warm grey eyes completely void of emotion. Tony kept up his struggling, bending his knees and attempting to kick at Bucky’s back, while he frantically clawed at Bucky’s metal hand. He nearly got one of his armored fingers under Bucky’s hand, but then Bucky pushed forward and used his other hand to press Tony’s face to the side.

____

Unluckily for Tony, Bucky was pressing against the cheek that he had punched earlier. Tony couldn’t help the pained shout that left his lips, involuntary tears pricking the corners of his eyes. With his vision going dark and pain radiating throughout his neck and face, Tony said hoarsely, “Sorry honey,” before shooting Bucky in the side with a _very_ low setting from his repulsor. It would still burn like a bitch for a bit, but he was sure Bucky would forgive him after all this.

____

Bucky was knocked to the side from the impact, and Tony gasped like a fish out of water. His face ached and he nearly fell to the side while rolling over onto his hands and knees as a wave of dizziness hit him. He managed to get to his feet, turning around just in time to dodge another punch from Bucky.

____

_‘Well, almost,’_ Tony thought, grimacing at the pain on his right side where Bucky had managed to swipe him with his metal hand. Bucky wasted no time before attacking again, but now that Tony was on his feet, he was able to dodge and block most of the punches sent his way. Sparring with his husband and another over protective super soldier was finally paying off.

____

Then Bucky almost _casually_ swiped Tony’s hands to the side, grabbing onto and squeezing the gauntlet around his right wrist. Tony tried to wrench his arm from Bucky’s grip, only succeeding in making Bucky tighten his grip until the armor short circuited. With an almighty heave, Bucky tore the gauntlet from Tony’s arm with a screech of metal. Tony hissed in pain as it scratched at his skin on the way off, tugging on his wrist even more that guaranteed a sprain.

____

Unarmed now, and knowing that Bucky was stronger than him normally, but especially deadly in this mindset, Tony ran for the door. He almost reached it before a hand gripped the back of his shirt and threw him back into the room. Tony hit a desk hard, the breath knocked out of him as the edge of the desk hit his lower back. The sound of the door slamming shut jolted him back to awareness, and Tony pushed away from the desk right before Bucky slammed his metal fist into it, leaving a dent.

____

Before he could turn towards Bucky again completely, Tony cried out when Bucky hit the left side of his ribs from behind. Leaning heavily against a table, Tony winced at the unmistakable feeling of broken ribs as he tried to catch his breath. Tony threw a punch at Bucky, only brushing Bucky’s arm since he had dodged it easily, and bit back a groan as his ribs shifted.

____

“Buck–,” Tony stared wide-eyed up at Bucky, the pain in his stomach derailing all other thoughts and movements. Bucky stared back blankly, stepping forward and pushing the knife deeper into Tony’s body, Tony gasping as the pain skyrocketed. Bucky wrenched the blade out carelessly, and Tony stumbled to the side before falling onto his back with a whimper. He didn’t have the strength for anything else.

____

Tony raised a shaking hand towards his stomach, hissing in pain when he covered the gash in his stomach, trying to staunch the blood as well as he could. Footsteps sounded to his side, and Tony couldn’t help but breath faster as Bucky approached him. “B-Bucky,” he groaned out. “Bucky, stop.”

____

But Bucky didn’t stop until he was literally right on top of Tony, straddling his prone body. He reached forward with his metal arm, there was the sound of ripping cloth and then his fingers scratched against the sides of the arc reactor, and Tony couldn’t _breathe_.

____

For a horribly disorienting second, Obadiah was suddenly _there_ and stealing the arc from his chest again. A shot of adrenaline coursed through Tony, allowing him to land a solid punch to his assaulter’s face. Not that it deterred them in the slightest, Obadiah’s face leering down at him.

____

The feeling of cool metal against his skin brought him back to the present, and Tony renewed his struggling, hissing in pain when Bucky’s fingers scraped again around the reactor. Bucky’s other arm moved in the corner of Tony’s eyes, and then his vision whited out as the burning in his stomach intensified. Tony gasped for breath, Bucky’s fingers curling where they were dug into the wound. He coughed, a fresh splatter of blood coming up to coat his tongue, blinking back tears of pain.

____

Tony could only whimper when Bucky withdrew his fingers, his energy completely exhausted after that adrenaline burst. He could tell when Bucky’s other hand found a grip around the arc reactor, could feel as he turned it inside its socket. The click of the arc being pulled out seemed to echo throughout the room.

____

Bucky cupped the technology in his palm, the glow casting shadows across his eerily blank face. Tony could hardly breath, trying desperately to keep from panicking even as he thought how he could already feel his heart beating erratically. A sharp crack sounded a few feet from Tony’s head, and he slowly turned his head to see the arc lying on the ground.

____

Bucky brought his arm back, having tossed the arc away so that Tony couldn’t get it again. Deed apparently done, Bucky sat back on his haunches, looking down at Tony without a hint of emotion.

____

Tony gasped for breath, _definitely_ feeling his heart fussing now, unable to keep a steady beat without the power of the arc. Trying one last time, he lifted a hand and gripped at Bucky’s shirt weakly. “Bucky please,” Tony paused to cough, his stomach screaming in agony at the movement. “ _Please_ , snap out of it.”

____

But Bucky only stared unerringly at him, completely locked in the Winter Soldier mindset and ignoring his husband bleeding out in front of him. Tears welled up in Tony’s eyes at the cruelty of it all, how Bucky would have to live with this once he came back to himself.

____

He coughed again, pain radiating from his entire upper body at this point, but Tony had to do one last thing before he let the darkness take him. His hand was still on Bucky’s chest, and Tony was slowly able to move it so that it rested against Bucky’s cheek.

____

“It’ll be…OK,” Tony choked out, another few tears falling down the sides of his face. His vision now dangerously blurry, Tony blinked and forced himself to concentrate and bring Bucky’s face back into focus. Rubbing his thumb across Bucky’s stubbly cheek, Tony whispered, “This wasn’t your fault.”

____

Using the last of his strength, Tony curled a hand around Bucky’s neck and tried to pull, until the man knelt down enough for Tony to brush a kiss across his forehead. Closing his eyes, Tony breathed out, “I’ll always love you.”

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Bucky blinked, Tony’s voice echoing in his ears as he came back to himself as if out of a fog. For a moment, he didn’t realize what he was looking at, then he blinked again and everything became horrifyingly clear.

____

“Tony?” His voice was tiny in the empty room, and Bucky belatedly noticed his flesh hand was shaking before it cupped Tony’s bloody cheek. “Honey, can you hear me?” Tony’s face remained slack, and Bucky adjusted his position quickly, settling on his knees _beside_ Tony now.

____

Something flickered in the corner of his eyes due to the movement, and Bucky turned his head to see the – _the arc reactor_. Whipping his head back towards Tony, Bucky realized that there was a gaping dark hole in Tony’s chest. The details of how the reactor helped Tony’s heart flew through Bucky’s mind, and suddenly Tony’s unnatural stillness took on a whole new meaning.

____

“No, nonononono, Tony please.” Bucky bit back a sob, keeping his hand on Tony’s cheek, stretching his metal arm to pick the arc reactor up off the ground. He fumbled with it for a few frantic seconds, nearly dropping it before using both hands to hold it steady. Placing it back into its socket, Bucky held his breath when it clicked.

____

Tony remained still. Bucky didn’t know what he was waiting for – Tony gasping awake, at least his chest rising with a breath again, _something_ to show that he’d be OK. That Bucky hadn’t just ki– _‘No!’_ Bucky shook his head violently, not allowing himself to even think of that outcome.

____

Leaning down, Bucky carefully pulled Tony upright, his metal arm curled around Tony’s shoulders. Tony’s head lolled backwards, eyes staying closed while his mouth fell open from the movement, another trickle of blood dripping down his cheek. Swallowing thickly, Bucky gently swiped the blood from his skin, arranging Tony so his head rested against Bucky’s shoulder.

____

“Come on Tony, you’re OK. Open those gorgeous eyes for me baby, please, I know I –” Bucky blinked back tears, lips quivering as he said, “I know I hurt you. I fucked up, I let them get to me and I _hurt_ you, but honey you have to wake up. For me? You’re al-always saying yo-you’ll do anything to make me happy,” Bucky took a deep breath, trying to get himself together, before sobbing out, “So I need you to wake up Tony. _Please_ , I will _never_ forgive myself if you – if you di–”

____

Bucky choked on the words, unable and unwilling to say them aloud. He curled his arms tighter around Tony, pressing his lips to Tony’s forehead and then nuzzling his sweat damp hair. He reached for Tony’s neck, his hand trembling even after making contact with Tony’s skin. Curling his fingers appropriately, he couldn’t help but hold his breath as he tried to feel Tony’s pulse.

____

Nothing. There…he couldn’t feel… _nothing_.

____

Bucky pulled his hand away from Tony’s neck as if it burned, his last bit of hope crushed at the lack of a beat under his fingertips. Covering his mouth with his still shaking hand, Bucky bit back a sob, tears falling from his lashes. He curled down over Tony, barely registering the terrible keening noise that was coming from his own lips. “Noooo, Tony, oh my god _please_ , don’t leave me honey, _please_ don’t.”

____

He could feel the pain bubbling up inside him, and Bucky clenched his eyes shut even as his breathing got faster and faster. Another high noise escaped him, his grief leaking out, and suddenly it was _too much_.

____

Bucky wrenched his head back and screamed. Full of heartbreak, of rage, of injustice, of _hatred_ , for himself for being so weak, and for the HYDRA bastards who had made him do this, it didn’t even sound human, torn raw and broken from within him.

____

When he was finally done, the silence ringing with his anguished scream, Bucky crumpled in on himself. Still holding Tony in his arms, his arms gentle despite the emotions storming inside him, Bucky cried. His tears streaked down his cheeks, falling onto Tony’s face as he brushed a kiss over Tony’s cheeks, his forehead, sobbing out apology after apology and knowing it’ll _never_ be enough, that this was _all his fault_.

____

Unbidden, Tony’s voice filled Bucky’s mind. _‘It’ll be OK.’_ Bucky couldn’t help but look down at the man in his arms, but Tony’s slack face was all that greeted him. The same words echoed in his head, and for an instant Bucky could see two versions of Tony – the one in his arms, and another, awake, _alive_ and speaking to him.

____

_‘A memory.’_ Bucky struggled to keep the other Tony in his mind, tried to follow the memory to completion whereas usually he tried to forget what the Winter Soldier did. Pressing his forehead against Tony’s, Bucky closed his eyes and _concentrated_.

____

_Tony was caressing his cheek, his attempt at a smile full of pain, and his next whispered words cut Bucky to the_ bone. _“This wasn’t your fault.”_ Bucky’s heart broke at the blurry image of Tony crying, blinking rapidly as he tried to stay conscious. _Tony’s hand slid from Bucky’s cheek, back to cup his neck, feebly trying to bring Bucky closer. Even in the Winter Soldier mindset, Bucky had helped out, bending over until Tony could press his lips to Bucky’s forehead._

____

_“I’ll always love you.”_

____

Bucky blinked back to awareness, fresh tears rolling down his face as he looked back at Tony. He combed a hand through Tony’s hair, gently rubbing his finger over the cut on Tony’s cheek. He took in the bloodied torn shirt around the arc reactor, and the scratches sluggishly oozing blood underneath the cloth from Bucky’s metal fingers. The knife wound in Tony’s abdomen, having to fight the urge to vomit when he made the connection between it and the way the fingers on his flesh hand were covered in blood.

____

And yet Tony, despite having been beat bloody, with his last breath…had reassured Bucky of his love.

____

The door slamming open behind Bucky startled him out of his thoughts, but years of training made sure that he didn’t move a muscle in reaction. The sound of numerous, heavy footsteps followed, silence reigning once again when the men stopped moving.

____

“ ***** Asset, mission report ***,** ” came a gruff voice. In an instant, Bucky was filled with rage, recognizing the voice as the same man who had ordered this attack.

____

_The man who had made him kill Tony._

____

“ ***** Asset–! ***** ” His words were cut off abruptly, the sounds of him choking around the knife in his throat filling the air. He collapsed against a desk with a crash, hands scrabbling at his neck, and the other men leapt into action. Some yelled for him to “ ***** stand down! ***** ”, and others repeated the code to try and bring the Winter Soldier back under control.

____

The all-encompassing fury that Bucky felt made everything else around him turn to white noise. Relaxing the arm that he had used to throw the knife, Bucky brought it back in to caress Tony’s cheek. Leaving another kiss on Tony’s forehead, Bucky gently laid him back on the ground, whispering, “I’ll be back for you.”

____

Standing up, the muted yells around him increasing in panic and volume, Bucky took a deep breath. Closed his eyes. Then in one fluid movement, drew his gun, cocked it and fired at the closest HYDRA agent to him. It hit him right between the eyes, but Bucky didn’t even wait for him to fully hit the ground before he was turning towards another agent.

____

He went down like a rock, as did the next, and the next. Bucky distantly registered the men retreating from the room, and then everything was a blur.

____

____

****

__

____

**\--------------------------------------**

____

__  
_  
_

____

____

“JARVIS, status report,” Steve barked out, pacing the Quinjet anxiously. “Do you have any readings on either of them?” Both of their teammates had gone off the grid, Tony first and then Bucky, and attempts at reaching them so far had yielded nothing.

____

“Negative Captain, I’m afraid they are still out of my range,” the crisp British voice responded. A few more stressful minutes passed in silence, Clint and Natasha in the cockpit pushing the vehicle as fast as they could, while Steve, Thor, and Bruce could only sit tight and wait.

____

“Something has come up on my radar.” JARVIS’ voice sounded out of the blue, and instantly Steve was at the front of the ship with the other two. Looking at the diagram that JARVIS brought up on the screen, Steve frowned.

____

“What are we looking at here?” The display showed what seemed to be blueprints for a warehouse or large building of some sort, with numerous red and black circular lights scattered throughout it. As Steve watched, he zoned in on one red circle in particular as it traveled rapidly through the halls. The other red circles converged on it in groups, but they would turn black and stop moving within seconds of contact.

____

“I have managed to identify those with a pulse, and those without. At this moment, there are 13 still alive in the building.”

____

Immediately, the team was ready to jump into the fray. Natasha asked quickly, “Is there any way for you to identify which of these are Tony or Bucky?”

____

“There are now 9 still alive in the building,” JARVIS said first, before replying, “I have reason to believe that the individual engaging with the others is Master Barnes, as the signal that I’m receiving from them has interference. It is similar to the signal I receive when tracking him in battle at Sir’s request.”

____

Steve’s relief was short lived, dread returning as he watched what was supposedly Bucky taking down person after person in rapid succession. It could have been Bucky as himself fighting the HYDRA squadron that had been stationed there…but Bucky had also told him that he would just as easily turn on his captors. And if the Winter Soldier was active, then Tony could be in trouble too.

____

JARVIS’ update that there were only 5 remaining, was interrupted by Natasha voicing Steve’s same fear. “Where is Tony?”

____

The Quinjet suddenly rocked around them, followed by Clint saying gruffly, “We’ve landed. Also,” he pointed at the screen, bringing their attention to a faint red circle a little removed from where either Bucky or the Winter Soldier had been fighting. “That’s probably Tony. And from the looks of it, whether or not we’ll be dealing with Bucky or the soldier, he needs help stat. Let’s move!”

____

No one even blinked at the fact that Clint was giving orders at that moment. They were all too worried about their teammates. Steve made eye contact with Bruce, who nodded stiffly before turning to prepare their medical supplies for whoever was hurt. With JARVIS in their ears giving them directions to Tony, the rest of the team ran out of the jet and into the building.

____

From the first corner they turned, there was carnage everywhere. Blood was splattered across the floors and the walls, HYDRA agents crumpled against them. As they got further into the building, there were thicker streaks of blood on the floor, bloody handprints on the walls, and they could picture it – how some agents tried to run, tried to drag the wounded away only to ultimately fall.

____

The thought of Tony or Bucky being injured kept them from feeling any sympathy for those HYDRA bastards. They got what was coming for them.

____

“Sir should be in the next room to your left, Captain Rogers. Make haste.”

____

Steve pushed himself faster, barreling into the room with his teammates right behind him. There were clear signs of struggle, the old desks pushed around, some broken from the impact of something strong. More blood was on the floor of this room too, drops here and there as the wounded tried to keep moving.

____

Someone hissed out a breath and then Steve saw what they had – Tony laying so _still_ , closer to the back wall. His face was turned away from them, a small puddle of blood forming underneath his stomach, and it _didn’t look like he was breathing._

____

Steve ran over and fell to his knees beside his teammate, ripping his glove from a hand and placing his fingers against Tony’s neck. Before despair could choke him, he pushed his fingers a bit deeper into the juncture between Tony’s neck and shoulder, _praying_ to feel something. And – Steve blinked back the moisture that had suddenly formed in his eyes, the slight pulse under his fingertips the most wonderful thing he had ever felt.

____

Taking his hand away and really focusing on Tony’s chest, Steve could see how it was moving up and down, ever so slightly. Shaking his head though, Steve quickly turned towards the others, who had been standing and waiting anxiously beside him. “Thor, take him to the jet, Nat go with him to help Bruce try and stabilize him. Clint, fly them straight to the nearest hospital, I’ll take care of Bucky. You can come back for us when Tony’s safe.”

____

Thor went to carefully pick Tony up, the sight of Tony lying limply in his arms so _wrong_ to the rest of them. Especially with the arc reactor still glowing so strongly in his chest. Before they could take a single step towards the exit though, there was a loud distraught yell from behind them and Steve whipped around to see Bucky in the doorway.

____

He looked _awful_ , blood sprayed on his uniform, hands and arms, and even a few dots across one of his cheeks where he must have shot someone up close. His hair was matted here and there from sweat and blood, and his _eyes_ – absolutely manic. He was clearly on edge, his metal hand clenched tightly around his gun, other hand itching towards his belt for his knife. Those sharp grey eyes swept around the room, and Steve pinpointed the exact second he saw Thor and, consequently, Tony.

____

Bucky’s whole body tensed, his sharp inhale loud in the reigning silence. His arm swung up to aim his gun at Thor. “ _Don’t you touch him!_ ”

____

The shot rang through the air, but Steve was already moving. The bullet pinged against Steve’s shield when he threw it between Bucky and Thor, which hit the opposite wall and rebounded to him in the next second. Steve caught it smoothly, turning back towards Bucky only to be tackled by the enraged man.

____

He hit the ground hard, air leaving his lungs at the impact with a loud grunt. Steve flipped over to his stomach when Bucky scrambled to his feet, brushing Bucky’s ankle in his attempt to grab it. “Put him down!” Bucky screamed as he sprinted towards Thor.

____

Natasha and Clint engaged him in the next second, Natasha stunning him with her Bites, Clint sweeping Bucky’s legs out from under him before he could recuperate. Bucky barely hit the floor before he was already moving, a frustrated yell leaving his throat as he got back to his feet.

____

“Bucky, stop!” Steve tackled _him_ this time, his arms going around Bucky’s legs and bringing him to the ground again. Bucky was like a feral animal, kicking his legs in an attempt to knock Steve loose, but Steve only tightened his grip. Another awful yell left his lips, eyes glued to Tony even as his metal hand reached down to grip Steve’s hair.

____

Steve closed his eyes at the pain of Bucky trying to wrench him off his legs, releasing one his arms to try and get Bucky’s hand off his head. “Bucky, it’s us, you’re safe!” Suddenly the hand left his hair, and Steve opened his eyes to see Clint and Natasha struggling to hold Bucky’s arms behind his back. “We’re here to help!”

____

“Leave Tony alone!” Bucky yelled in reply, and Steve was horrified to see tears well up in his best friend’s eyes. As far as he knew, from Bucky’s recounts and his experience, the Winter Soldier never showed any sort of emotion, not even anger. To be crying…this was completely Bucky.

____

Bucky continued to fight his teammate’s grips on him, almost tossing them aside. But Steve leapt forward just in time, wrapping his arms around Bucky, holding him chest to chest. “We’re going to help him Buck! But we need to move now!”

____

“No, leave him alone!” Bucky screamed again, nearly pushing Steve off with a new surge of strength. “Tony’s _gone_ , why can’t you see?!”

____

Steve’s heart broke when Bucky’s voice cracked. “No, no he’s still alive! I promise, but he needs _he_ –”

____

“No, he’s not, I _killed him!_ ” Bucky’s hoarse scream echoed in his ears, and then Steve was suddenly struggling with Bucky’s weight as all the fight left his friend. “I killed Tony,” Bucky sobbed against Steve’s chest, hands weakly gripping the front of Steve’s uniform.

____

Somehow lowering them both to the ground, Steve knelt with Bucky draped over him, his sobs uncontrollable now. Took a deep breath as understanding flooded him. Looked up at his teammates and said gruffly, “Get Tony out of here, tell SHIELD to send another jet for me and Bucky. But Tony comes first,” he grit out, a hand coming up to lay on Bucky’s back.

____

A moment of hesitation and then the sound of their footsteps retreated quickly down the hall. But as worried as Steve was about Tony, he had to help Bucky first. He didn’t know what happened, but from Bucky’s horrible comment, Steve could guess. It also explained why Bucky had gone on a rampage, and why he’d been so frantic at seeing people around Tony.

____

Bucky would call him a sap, but Steve would say that it had been love at first sight between his two best friends. Steve had brought Bucky back to the tower after many long weeks of Bucky recuperating at S.H.I.E.L.D, explaining a bit more about the different floors and rooms. They’d walked out of the elevator for the communal floor, and Bucky had suddenly paused. Steve had looked at him, then turned to look at what he saw, and noticed Tony standing still in the doorway to the kitchen.

____

To his delight, Steve could see some light pink color tinging Tony’s cheeks, brown eyes wide. Turning back to his friend, Bucky was in a similar state, an old nervous tick revealing itself in the way he was biting his lip unconsciously. They both had jumped when Steve had clapped his hands together, introducing them to each other when it was clear they were too transfixed with the other to do so themselves.

____

Their relationship had only grown from there, going from good natured teasing and insults, bonding during late nights for one or the other, and casual touches turning into something more. Bucky had kissed Tony first, no matter what their resident genius tried to say – JARVIS had proof that he’d gleefully shared – and he’d also been the one to propose. Steve couldn’t be happier for them both.

____

Listening to Bucky breaking apart in his arms, Steve knew that he’d have to step up and give his friend his full support in this stressful time. He knew their team would be there for Bucky and Tony too.

____

“He’s gonna be OK,” Steve soothed, eyes stinging with unshed tears. Arms tightening around his friend, Steve pointed his gaze skyward. _‘Please, let him be OK.’_

____

____

****

__

____

**\--------------------------------------**

____

__  
_  
_

____

____

Four days. It had been four days since – since Bucky had attacked Tony, and put him in the hospital.

____

Another jet had arrived in record time for Steve and Bucky, making Bucky believe that Natasha or one of the them had called for it the moment they’d left with Tony for the jet. Either way, by the time Bucky and Steve got to the hospital where they’d taken Tony, he had been well into surgery for all his injuries.

____

Bucky closed his eyes, though that didn’t stop the list from still passing along the inside of his lids. Broken ribs along his left side, bruised trachea, the skin around the arc reactor scraped up badly, knife wound in his abdomen, bruising along his lower back and lower right side, sprained right wrist, more severe bruising along his jaw, and he had begun suffering from cardiac arrhythmia after Bucky had taken the arc reactor.

____

The doctor had mentioned how good it had been that the arc reactor had been replaced when it had, or else Tony’s condition would be even worse now, disregarding all his other injuries. Only Steve’s arm around his shoulders had kept Bucky from collapsing as the thought that he had nearly lost Tony overcame him again.

____

Bucky opened his eyes back up, looking over at the slumbering man in the hospital bed beside him. He was unconsciously rubbing Tony’s hand with his fingers, finding comfort in the warmth of his skin. Especially as he looked over Tony and saw the results of his terrible attack.

____

Tony’s face was still swollen, deep purple splotches along the entire side of his jaw and his left eye circled with black. Bucky knew that his ribs were wrapped under the blanket, the wound in his stomach stitched together and healing well considering the damage. The hand not being held by Bucky was wrapped as well, to help the sprain heal quickly. The bruises around Tony’s throat were already lightening, and thankfully the damage had not been as deep as Bucky had feared either. It would still be painful for him to swallow and talk for a while, but he was on the way to making a full recovery.

____

Now if only he’d wake up. Bucky knew that Tony’s body was allowing itself to heal to the best of its ability, sleeping so that all his energy could be directed to getting better – but Bucky just needed to see Tony’s eyes open, to hear him speak again. No matter what the doctors said, _that_ was what Bucky needed to be fully assured of Tony’s health.

____

Bucky laid his head against Tony’s hip, sighing deeply as he continued to stroke Tony’s hand. “Come on darling, I know you’re in there.” What an awful choice of words, considering, but Bucky pushed past the pain. “Let me know you’re OK.” Silence answered, not that Bucky had really been expecting anything, but it still hurt. The soft sound of Tony’s breathing had almost lulled Bucky into a worried sleep, when it happened.

____

“Pancakes,” came a hoarse whisper.

____

Bucky’s head snapped up, remembering at the last second not to grip the hand in his too tightly. Tony hadn’t moved, but for his eyes – opened halfway for those beautiful brown eyes to squint at him. “What?” Bucky breathed, reeling at seeing Tony _awake_ after all this time.

____

“Didn’–,” Tony swallowed, throat clicking at the dryness. Bucky nearly knocked over his chair to get a glass of water for him, carefully directing the straw to Tony’s mouth for him to take a few sips.

____

Tony swallowed again once Bucky took it away, closing his eyes at the now soothing sensation. Bucky cleared his throat, automatically grasping at Tony’s hand as he sat again. Tony opened his eyes back up, the corner of his lips turning up when he was able to focus on Bucky again. “What, darling?” Bucky said softly.

____

“Didn’t, mm, get to,” Tony took in a deep breath, eyes fluttering shut again, before saying on his tired exhale. “Finish my pancakes.”

____

Bucky could only stare at Tony’s sleeping face for a moment, not realizing his vision was blurring until he blinked. At the feeling of something wet on his cheeks, Bucky reached up to swipe at them with his free hand, looking at his fingers and realizing they were tears.

____

Looking back at Tony, holding the warm hand between both of his now, Bucky felt something loosen within him. A somewhat hysterical, watery laugh bubbled out of his mouth and he sniffed, bending forward to kiss Tony’s hand. Leaning his elbows on the bed, Bucky pressed his forehead against Tony’s knuckles, closed his eyes and just _breathed_.

____

Bucky knew that both he and his husband would have nightmares about what they’d been through, no doubt about it…but once again Tony had been able to reassure Bucky, even while half asleep and out of it. Tony would be all right, with Bucky’s help, and vice versa. Just as long as Tony got his pancakes first.

____

**Author's Note:**

> Please please listen to this phenomenal [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVQJ2iOfc9s), it was the soundtrack for the scene that I started writing first for this whole story - Bucky's scream/realization. Anyways, I really really hope y'all enjoyed my first attempt at angst! Please leave critiques for how I might improve in future works, or if you have any other comment, in a review or hit me up on [tumblr](echosiriusrumme.tumblr.com)! Thanks for reading darlings! ^-^


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